This past week has been a whirlwind. I went to the hospital Sunday and was sent home with pain meds. I set up to see a surgeon to get my gall bladder taken out. Tuesday, the pain had me in tears and off I went again to the hospital. This time they admitted me. Wednesday, the surgeon comes in and says that she doesn't think it's my gall bladder. She wanted to do more tests. More tests lasted until Friday. They did a scope and saw no ulcers and the GI doctor said it was the gall bladder. I have to go in Monday at 7:45 to do a HIDA scan. Then, Tuesday meet with the surgeon again.
Tonight the pain is pretty intense, but I don't want to take any pain meds. It has made me so sad this week to pump and dump so much milk. Tomorrow, I will have to pump and dump through Wednesday. They will be injecting me with radiation. I wish I could just feed my girl. I know I would love to be feeling better and this is a step in the right direction. I just want to hold my little girl and feed her. I missed her so much this week while I was in the hospital. I cried just wanting to go home. I missed Sebastian, too. It hurts more when your babies aren't around and there's nothing you can do about it. I am glad he was with his grandparents and cousins. He had a wonderful time. For that I am grateful and thankful.
I am so worried that tomorrow will show that the gall bladder is working fine and they have no idea what is going on. Then what? More tests?? As a mom, our minds start going in a hundred bad directions. What if it is worse than the gall bladder? Cancer? I don't want to miss out on my babies getting bigger. I don't want to miss seeing Sebastian driving a car or Lily's first date. I know that my mind is running away with me and that I shouldn't be worried. I know that God is in control no matter what. Still, the mind wanders.
If it is the gall bladder, we will be pretty ticked to know that this could have been taken care of when I was in the hospital. This is just keeping me from my babies and pain free. I am exhausted with trying to figure these doctors out. I know they are doing their job and making sure. BUT REALLY???? You have only seen me for 5 minutes a day!!! How can you expect to know what is wrong with me? You pushed on my belly. I showed you where it hurt! 4 different doctors!!! Come on guys! Figure it out!
Anyway, I love my sweet babies and am so blessed that God has given them to me. They make me smile each day. Sebastian and his sweet, lovable self. Lily and her "I want my mama" cry. I love when Sebastian crawls up in bed and cuddles with me in the mornings. I love how excited he gets when he does something new. I love how Lily laughs at Sebastian. I love how she wakes up with the biggest smiles and jabbers all morning. These are the things I cherish.
Eric has been a rock through all of this. He has helped me pee, pump, and wiped away my tears. By the way, he never thought he would ever have to help me pee but hospital pain meeds deemed it necessary. I was very wobbly. He is the one who has held my hand and prayed with me. He is the one who has loved me through it all. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband.
All of that to say, pray for us. Pray that this test shows what is wrong. Pray that the doctors can fix the problem. Pray that my milk supply stays up. Pray that Sebastian doesn't worry too much. Pray that all goes well. God hears our prayers and answers them!
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